it's late, and i'm still awake...

so, i'm wondering all the things i wonder when i have too much free time...where do your socks go when they disappear inside the washing machine? will there ever be a good comic book/video game based movie? why are human beings such stupid animals? will anyone ever see this page, or is it just my method of therapy? i know the answers to all these questions, but still... ~sighs~ this day has left me feeling empty. i didn't do much in the way of productivity. just sat with my nose stuck in a book. and i am not any wiser for it. am i a good wife, or a good mother? is this all i'll ever be? everyone else seems to have a drive, they find something that lights a fire inside them, drives them to follow their chosen paths...why haven't i found mine? where is my passion, my desire, where did my dreams go? why am i asking so many useless questions? you don't have the answers i'm looking for. how do you explain yourself to someone? 5 years, and still there are parts of me i'll never let him touch. there are parts i'll never go near. childish innocence, buried so deep, so long ago. i know without my past, without every step i've taken, i wouldn't be the person i am now, and i'm finally comfortable in my own skin, obligatory 5 pounds not withstanding. and yet, what if...? so many things i want to say, but i can't say it aloud...words spoken aloud are given power. if i stay silent, i can pretend...