my love affair with the penis...

just joking. ~winks at craig~

i've been part of lycos for about a year now. i've met some really great people, ones that i care about very much. most of them are over there in my links...these people have become a surrogate family for me, ones i reach out to when i don't have anywhere else to turn, and i've always had a shoulder to whine on. i love them, maybe a little too much, but how can that ever be wrong, right? i digress. i hate seeing these people hurt. i hate knowing that they're going through something, and the only support i can lend them is ~bundles~. i'm always trying to be the peacemaker, trying to smooth things out. A - i don't like confrontation. B - um...i forgot what i was thinking. my stepmother told me she thinks relationship wise i look for people who are broken and try to fix them. this is so very potentially true, looking back at the string of men in my life. so it's in my nature to try and mend, and when i can't, it drives me crazy. i want to take all the pain and self-doubt and all the memories that pile up and wipe them away, but unfortunately i can't really manage that. so i want to hold them, make it something tangible, wrap them up tight enough that they'll know how much they matter. but i can't do that either. so i have to settle for my poor grasp of the english language, try to force emotion into a purple font. i suck at it. all i want to say, all i want you to know is how much you mean to me. i know sometimes i'm a bitch, i'm ignorant, i'm irritating, whatever. regardless of whatever else is going on, i think of you. i wish i was able to be there for all of you in the ways you need, but i have to settle for this. ~smiles~ god, that's sappy...who wants to beat me for posting drivel like this?