sometimes it's hard to bear, living in this world. a place were a boy gets tied to a fence and beaten, left to die; where a mother holds her children's heads below water until they drown, where two boys walk into a school and start shooting, killing 19 people...the cruely that some people exhibit, the sheer malevolence that hides inside these people. it stuns me. that these people let their humanity and their compassion slip away...maybe it's the flawed humanity that allows them to do these things, i don't know. i just...i don't understand it. i don't know how hate, or depression, anxiety - whatever - how it wells up in you and comes out like that. i thank god that i don't understand it. i won't lie, i have done hurtful things to others in my time. i still do, we all do, but i can make a consious effort not to. anytime you make a tiny jab, cut someone deep with your words, that's violence. willfully inflicting pain on another to achieve your own goals, or to boost your own ego...i've done it, i lothe the part of me that does it, but all i can try to do is overcome that. i have always believed, and i always will, in the basic decency of human beings. i believe that there's hope for all us us to live in a warmer world, that the stupid stupid things they do are just a minute part of humanity, and not the majority. i have to believe that most of us are better than that, or else i don't have any hope for my son. he's going to have enough problems as it is, his children, his grandchildren...i want him to have everything, and that includes a life untouched by hatred. can you guys do that for me? so brodie doesn't have to see the ugliness that we all do to each other when he's old enough to understand?

i'm sorry. watched a movie, and it made me think. i also ate a lot of 5-layer dip. i am full.