Every finger in the room is pointing at me...

I wanna spit in their faces, but then I get afraid what that could bring...
I've got a bowling ball in my stomach, got a desert in my mouth,
Figures that my courage would choose to sell out now...

I got Tori Amos's Little Earthquakes when I was about 14... I heard "Leather" on the college radio station and I was in love. I think it's one of 4 tapes I stole from K-Mart. (I almost got caught too, some lady, a customer, was tailing me around the store, but I got away with it. That was some scary stuff. Stealing is bad, I no longer advocate it.) I learned the album forwards and backwards, I wore the tape out and had to buy the cd, I adopted "Silent All These Years" as my personal theme... Since my dish is acting wonky and I have no tv to speak of - Shock! Horror! If I stop posting soon, it's because I've eaten my own brain in some sort of manic state of media stimulation deprivation - I have dragged out some of my favorite old cd's, ones that I love but hardly listen to anymore. I understand why old people think the younger generation's music is crap now. Even if you follow the evolution, even if you enjoy it, nothing can compare to what got you through your youth. There are emotional ties to every lyric, and that just can't be duplicated no matter how good The Next Big Thing sounds. (That would be a good name for a band. Don't steal that from me. I also like Better than Nothing, but the self esteem of the band members could plummet.) So my day is being spent with my old early alternative day chick rock and the like... Tori, Juliana Hatfield 3, Poe, Luscious Jackson, Emmet Swimming, Cake...and if I start to get tired of the general good feelings vibe, The Toadies and Faith No More. I knew a guy who looked just like the lead singer of FNM, except that he was paralyzed and in a wheelchair. I was about 13, and oh, I had such a crush. My step-sister was seeing him, and I would always tag-along with them... I wonder what happened to him. Really nice guy. Didn't treat me like a kid.

I'm not going home for Thanksgiving now... ~Pouts~ My husband has been told he has to work (He'll get the week of Christmas to make up for it), so I think it's going to be just like any other day. Bah. I suppose I'll be working on anxiety about how Monday's interview went with the library. My step-dad called last night to offer moral support, and told me to just relax, that the library wants people who love books like I do, and to let that come through when I go in... Arrgh! I wouldn't stress like this, but I want this very much. I think I was just about as crazed when I went to Barnes and Noble, but the library is not customer service in the usual sense, more of a self-serve sort of situation, and that's a much better environment to work in. I speak from experience. Gah...I'm need to go clear my head. A job is just a job, right?

And as I twist I hold tight,
and I ride to work every morning wondering why
Sit in the chair and be good now,
or you'll become all that they told you
the white coats enter her room...
Everybody else's girl, maybe one day she'll be her own...