Remove your nose, please.

I just read something too. Without being too egocentric, I have to guess that it's about me... I don't know who else it could be. If I'm mistaken, oh well. I'll just be way off base.

First of all, if you're not actively involved in the community of which I assume you're speaking, then your comments are just superfluous. Maybe you're there, maybe you're not, it's hard to tell. That's part of the problem. The people who -are- involved are out there publicly working at it. The people who hide in the shadows and make snarky anonymous comments don't really matter much in my book.

Maybe I am flogging a dead horse. Maybe I am striving for something that's unattainable. But I decided to step up to the plate anyway. If someone else wanted to take a shot at it, I never got wind of it. If someone disapproved of my attempts and thought the whole idea was a waste, nobody spoke up. Except for Jake, and I sure as hell don't give a shit what he says either. Otherwise, I think I can safely say that whenever I've thought of making a large, site/chat-altering decision, I've always been very clear about my thoughts and plans, listened to the feedback, and adjusted accordingly. So saying things were single-handed isn't quite appropriate. Manhandled? Nope. If I was manhandling, things would be very different.

Did I suppose that since it was -me- who made the attempt, that everything would be wine and roses? Of course not. I supposed that people could be mature, and that they shared the same hopes as I did for a fun place to rp without all of Lycos's former trappings. Call me an optimist, but I hope for the best from people. My merry band of followers? I wasn't aware I had one. I just call them friends.

Claiming ownership? Never did it. I can and do claim the site, not the idea it was spawned from. I believe I was very frank on that point. Have I been pushy with the ideals that I built the site upon? Damn right I have. If you like the drama and the bullshit, then go have at it somewhere else. It's supposed to be about rp. Sure, we're all intimately involved in each other's lives by this point, but still - it's supposed to be about rp. If you don't want to rp, go GC somewhere, there's hundreds of sites for that.

Infallible... now that's a laugh. I have shortcomings! I admit it! I embrace them. I'm still growing. But infallible? Now that's just mudslinging. Still, let's address that. I never set myself up to be the model of perfection. That couldn't be further from the truth. What I -do- try to do is treat people fairly when it pertains to the site. Outside of the site, I'm as big a bitch as ever. But for the chat, I do my best to be impartial. It's a damn hard thing to do, but I give it my all because I believe it's what people deserve.

So, I'm turning tail just as the "common folk" start to complain. News flash, the other members have been complaining since day one. I've made concessions to please people since the start as well. Aside: Calling them common folk indicates that I think less of the average rp'er on the site, and since I don't, I won't be using that term. Neither will I call my friends my prostitutes. It's not how I see them. I'm not above calling people names, mind you, but that's reserved for when I'm provoked or in a really nasty mood, and both of those occurrences are rare. My friends are not my protection, they're my partners. They've offered to help, and I greatfully accepted. No one who doesn't want to be a mod is a mod. Some people who do want to be mods aren't mods. I can't mod everyone, it'd be chaos. All ican do is choose people who I believe will do the best job they can, and though there's been some bumps in the road, I think they're doing a great job - perhps now because of the struggles instead of in spite of them. They're taking up the reins and doing wonderfully in my absense, which I think is great. My interest in rp has waned as i've said before, but my commitment to the site has always been strong... that is, until this latest bit of craziness which has sprung up. I've been at a loss as to how to handle the situation in the best manner for everyone, the complaints have been coming in on all fronts, and with my own life being a little chaotic at the moment, I've found it easier to distance myself. The wrong way to handle things? Perhaps. But this particular issue doesn't have a place for me in it anyway, and I'm not elbowing my way into it. The resulting problems are what pertains to me, and fortunately I've had considerate people trying to do damage control for me. I'm extremely appreciate of their help and their concern. I can't say thank you enough for them trying to shoulder the burden and give me a breather while I work through what's on my own plate. Maybe they are trying to protect me after all... truer expressions of friendship I couldn't ask for.

By the way, I'm too old for fairy tales. Don't need a white knight, I'm a big girl. If someone else can come along and build something better than I've done, I'll bow out gracefully and let things move forward. I want a good community for rp'ers, and if that can happen somewhere else, then I'll not stand in the way of that. That would be stupid.

So,now that I've gotten all that out of the way... let me just lay it all out here. I love the site. I built it, how could I not? I still stand by everything I've tried and am still trying to do there. But on the other hand, my life is pulling me in a different direction. RP, for me at least, is losing its appeal. The commotion on the site has only intensified my waning desire. But I still care, very much, and i stil want to do right by everyone. Given my disenchantment and my availability - my hubby got FFOnline, and he's on EVERY night, so I can't be - I'm considering handing thins over to someone who has the time and the energy to devote. I'm also considering other avenues that will allow me to still remain involved. There's lots of things to consider, and I'm giving them all equal time. I'm sorry if my post, written in the heat of the moment, upset you. I shouldn't have upset everyone, and I apologize. I promise you, I wasn't fishing for compliments. i don't need 'em, don't want 'em. If that's what I was going for, I'd start dropping hints about how everyone should address me as the Almighty, bowing before me and strewing rose petals before me so my feet are not soiled by the earth. It seems to me that if you think all these things about me and what I've tried and am still trying to do, then you really have no clue as to what I and the site are about. At all.

Edit: Sticks and stones. I've had my say and this is the end of it as far as I'm concerned, so you'll have to play this game alone from here on out. Run with it.