i finally got the links the way i wanted them...hated how they took up the whole bleedin page. my work is complete. i love my blog. happy day.

updating...such a chore.

i had thoughts that i wanted to put here...mostly about me, and realizing that the reason i have all these bad memories of the past is that there was always something hanging over my head...but i'm not doing that. bah, i say. to hell with that depressing crap. i'm embracing what joy i have.
going home for easter weekend, to be spoiled by my mother. is there anything better than being babied? because i tell you what, my mom babies me. oh, i love it. ~grins~ my friend matt promised me some homemade pasta and white russians too. for one night, i can let my hair down, so to speak. i was just talking to my husband about this - i've known matt as long as i've known anybody. all my life, nearly. to look at us now, we're so diametricly opposed. the last time i went home, we met for coffee before i was due to leave, and we started talking about a car. he's extolling the virtues of safety, the frame, the engine...and i said i thought it was pretty. that illustrates our differences perfectly, and yet, we remain such friends. it's funny...so i'll remark here about my drunken tomfoolery when i return.
rp...~sighs~ i haven't for such a while, it seems...and i know it's been less than a week. i feel like once i step foot (figuratively) inside MT, i become so caustic. maybe i'm jaded, too self-important. there are too many people i don't deign to waste my time IC with. am i too big for my britches? these and many more questions to be answered later...and now, the whores! or tests, rather. (if you watch kids in the hall, you might get that.)

Take the Corporate Mascot Test at Willaston's Lounge!




Are you sick of online personality tests?






Which Rocky character are you?

You're the 80's Man! No, you're not a cross-dresser. You're just the odd-shaped 80's lego man! You love the classic legos, and you're not into all these new-fangled expensive kits. Why settle for the new when the old is just as good, and far less expensive!

Take the "What Lego character are you?" test! by ctbx

Take the High Yield Killing Method Test Now!!




What Psych-Ward do you belong to?




All ducks aren't sweet and innocent and you prove that. You have a nasty streak.

Find your inner rubber ducky.



Which Colossal Death Robot Are You?

If I was an Autobot, I'd be:




Take the Transformers personality test at android5.com!

~sighs~ is it just me, or is there some sort of shadow that's drifting over us all? with the exception of about 2 or 3 people, i feel this distance growing between everyone...maybe it's just me, i don't know.

i did a sick number of quizzes. be warned.

Which Rock Chick Are You?

Cor blimey, I taste like Tea. I am a subtle flavour, quiet and polite, gentle, almost ambient. My presence in crowds will often go unnoticed. Best not to spill me on your clothes though, I can leave a nasty stain. What Flavour Are You?

I'm a punk/hardcore fangirl I like screaming, I like kicking it up in the mosh pit, and damn do I like spikey hair.

What kind of fangirl are you?




Which Star-Crossed Marvel Lover Are You?


Who's Your 80s Movie Icon Alter-Ego? Find out @ She's Crafty

Which Breakfast Clubber Are You? Find out @ She's Crafty

~testing~ i'm trying to tweak my blog. tam inspired me, so all thanks go to her. god bless sites like Dynamic Drive for having great scripts you can copy and paste, because god knows i could not have done it myself. so there you have it...

~time passes~ woo! lookit! ~moves her mouse all around and grins like a dork~

moving again. i know, it's a hassle, but geocities is going to stop doing ftp's for free next month, so i may as well do it now.

http://www.angelfire.com/grrl/littlesin

sometimes it's hard to bear, living in this world. a place were a boy gets tied to a fence and beaten, left to die; where a mother holds her children's heads below water until they drown, where two boys walk into a school and start shooting, killing 19 people...the cruely that some people exhibit, the sheer malevolence that hides inside these people. it stuns me. that these people let their humanity and their compassion slip away...maybe it's the flawed humanity that allows them to do these things, i don't know. i just...i don't understand it. i don't know how hate, or depression, anxiety - whatever - how it wells up in you and comes out like that. i thank god that i don't understand it. i won't lie, i have done hurtful things to others in my time. i still do, we all do, but i can make a consious effort not to. anytime you make a tiny jab, cut someone deep with your words, that's violence. willfully inflicting pain on another to achieve your own goals, or to boost your own ego...i've done it, i lothe the part of me that does it, but all i can try to do is overcome that. i have always believed, and i always will, in the basic decency of human beings. i believe that there's hope for all us us to live in a warmer world, that the stupid stupid things they do are just a minute part of humanity, and not the majority. i have to believe that most of us are better than that, or else i don't have any hope for my son. he's going to have enough problems as it is, his children, his grandchildren...i want him to have everything, and that includes a life untouched by hatred. can you guys do that for me? so brodie doesn't have to see the ugliness that we all do to each other when he's old enough to understand?

i'm sorry. watched a movie, and it made me think. i also ate a lot of 5-layer dip. i am full.

my previous post disappeared yesterday...and today it's here. funny funny. last night, loads of fun. i have a kindred spirit, it seems.
hey, i took a bunch of tests.

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid:	Low
Schizoid:	Low
Schizotypal:	Low
Antisocial:	Low
Borderline:	Low
Histrionic:	Moderate
Narcissistic:	Low
Avoidant:	Low
Dependent:	Low
Obsessive-Compulsive:	Moderate
-- Click Here To Take The Test --

Which tarot card are you?



What day are you?


What Pattern Are You?

What is YOUR Highschool label?

	You are Fozzie! Wokka Wokka! You love to make lame jokes. Your sense of humor might be a bit off, but you're a great friend and can always be counted on..
Take the What Muppet Are You? Quiz!

so, my blog...i haven't done much with it lately. haven't even felt like an update. but then again, that seems to be the general feel among the other blogs i frequent these days. maybe it's the dismal weather, all gray skies and rain and cold air. nature taunts me with hints of spring, then yanks it right out of my grasp. small rendezvous (is that right?) at my hone tonight. social interaction, which i crave. lord knows i need it. we'll see how it goes. i'll probably want them all out of my home asap. i'm funny that way...i relish company, but by the same token i'm not sad to see them go. usually because they make messes, and i hate messes. my mother raised me to be a money-grubbing neat-freak, and so i am. she did her job well. my husband, sadly, has not had a similar upbringing, and my son is too small to understand the joys of pristine living. i will mold him in my image...anyway, i'll blab on her about how it went.

welcome to oblivion. ~giggle giggle~

what is it, that makes me hang on to old guilt? i look back, and i see so many things i'm not proud of. something in my memory keeps the less than perfect memories in my mind far longer than the sweet ones. what will it take, to purge myself of these things? i know, i know...they won't fade until i'm ready to let them go. am i not the person i think i am? deep down, am i cruel and hurtful as opposed to kind? do i decieve myself that well? i don't want this anymore. this whining, moping, this self-depricating side of me. just let me get past it, lick all the old wounds and let them finally heal. stay bittersweet, but without the power to hurt.

i want to dance. just...to have some nice jazz or something, be in the middle of my living room, and have someone with me so i can dance.

i suppose i should post something here...

See which Greek Goddess you are.

Victim was chained to you, then were slowly crushed as the handle was turned. Smaller versions of you held only the victim's head. Oww. You're a real pain to be around when you're angry, but you could force a confession out of the most stubborn.

What torture would you be?

i've been avoiding this thing...nothing to say, nothing to impart. and you know what? i still don't have anything to say.

now you know, you're a freak show - and you can't fight that...little sin

YELLOW You are very perceptive and smart. You are clear and to the point and have a great sense of humor. You are always learning and searching for understanding. Find out your color at Stvlive.com!

The Completely Pointless Personality Quiz

I’m the tiny little penguin with the major attitude! I live in Austraila, New Zealand, and other sub-artic areas near by. I’m the smallest penguin of them all, but to be honest, I’m not really over-hunted by predators or humans. Currently humans aren’t harming me!

Take the What Penguin am I? Quiz by Krysten!

my hubby went to the store yesterday morning and got in an accident. nothing serious, thankfuly, our rear bumper just got a little cracked up and some paint is flaking off...but still...dammit. we never get in accidents. never. well, i never - i usually drive because frankly, kris can't hack it. he hates everyone on the road.anyway...this lady who could have hurt my son (because he was with his dad at the time, while i was at home) thinks she's going to get lots of money. she is wrong. i wonder if people nowadays just wait for something mildly bad to happen so they can try to take people for all they're worth. the dregs of humanity are all stationed in the midwest, i swear. oh well. jennifer so and so ain't getting my money. she can kiss my ass is what she can do. brodie kept asking yesterday if the car was broken...he was explaining for they got hit and he jerked forward...if i wasn't so concerned about him being hurt, it would be funny. lady taught my son some bad language too.
so how are you cats today?

Which Angelina Are You?


Which Winona Are You?




Which My Little Pony Are You?

ouch.

sometimes you know it's best to let things go. the time has passed, and there's no going back. such is life. but it doesn't make letting go any easier. the knowledge that you're doing the right thing doesn't help dull the ache, and all you're left with is that sick feeling in the pit of your stomach, along with a sense of emptiness, because you know what you had is lost and there's no bringing it back. i've been here before, i've made it through...but that doesn't mean i like going back there again. we come to rely on certain things. we hand over our hearts, trusting that what we've come to cherish will always be there, a permanent fixture in our lives. but nothing lasts forever...we allow ourselves to be misguided, to want what isn't ours, to want what isn't possible. it weaves its way into your dreams, and though part of you knows, always has, that the fantasy will not and can not be reality, we still cling to the illusion, because even as a farce it still makes us happy. the unkept promise makes it worth it. when the time comes to put aside these things, it's even harder than giving up something tangible. this is part of ourselves we cut off. you give up something that was always unseen, yet it still had the power to move you...the last thing you hold in your mind before you drift off to sleep, the unbidden smile it brings to your face in the middle of your humdrum day. maybe this is why it hurts so much...you're letting go of something you never had, yet in your mind it was always yours to begin with. it's hard...you want to fight, you want to find some reason to change the outcome, anything to let you cling to whatever frail strands are left. and when you realize with finality that it's all gone, that the last fleeting moments have passed by and there truly is nothing left to hold on to...that's when it really starts to hurt. ouch.

We were both cast forth from the same pale hand
And we both moved freely in the shadowlands
And we both were sculpted by the same cold wind
And we both had armor that was made of tin
And I tried to find you, but it's useless
And I tried to speak, but it was useless
And I felt so bad and I didn't know why
And it didn't get better as time went by
I was there for you, but you turned away
And I tried to find you, but you turned away
And I tried to find you, but it's useless
And I tried to speak, but was useless
And I tried to find you, but it's useless
And you're so close, but I can't see you
And you're right there, but I can't see you
And I feel so dumb and I didn't know what to do
You were right there but I can't see you
And I realize that it's useless
And I want to fight, but it's useless
And I know you're there, but it's useless
And you're everywhere, but it's useless
And I tried to say it, but my tongue got tied
And I tried to say it, but I was numb inside
And I can't see you anymore
And my peace of mind has gone through the door
And I realize that it's useless
And I thought I was right, but it was useless
And I know you're there, but it's useless
And you're everywhere, but it's useless
And I can't see now in front of my nose
And I know you're there, and I know you're close
And you're fading away - now you disappear
And I try to focus, but I can't see clear
And I don't know why I feel this way
And I can't control myself anyway
And I don't know why I feel this way
And I can't control myself anyway
And I feel so bad, but it's useless
And I feel so bad, but it's useless
And I feel so bad, but it's useless
And I can't see... now in front of my face.

nothing to say today. read boingo lyrics until i feel inspired.

I'd love to take you home with me, I'd love to tuck you in
I wish I could protect you from the wages of our sin
I'd love to hear you scream tonight, I'd love to hear you cry
Protect you from the madness that is raining from the sky
I'd love to take you home with me and tuck you into bed
I'd love to see what makes you tick inside your pretty head
I wish that I could keep you in a precious Chinese box
On Sundays I would pray for you so it would never stop
I'd love to hear you laugh tonight, I'd love to hear you weep
I'd love to listen to you while you're screaming in your sleep
I'd love to soothe you with my voice and take your hand in mine
I'd love to take you past the stars and out of reach of time
I'd love to see inside your mind, to tear it all apart
To cut you open with a knife and find your sacred heart
I'd love to take your satin dolls and tear them all to shreds
I'd love to mess your pretty hair, I'd love to see you dead.