Forever never seemed so long...

Everyone else is having a crisis, so why can't I? Let's call this one "Where the hell did my life go?" So I'm a mother and a wife. There are two ways to look at this. Without demeaning the first, the second is to not that it says very little about me as a person to me known only as a wife and mother. I feel like I'm still paying for the mistake that I made 7 years ago, and I'm going to pay for it forever. Oh, I have every intention of going back to school and somehow making it work, but right now it doesn't feel like my goals for the next 5 to 10 years are very close. I love my son, and I love my husband, but somedays I can't help feeling that because of them there is no me left. Anyone could step in and do what I do. It's not like I'm bringing a unique approach to how the laundry gets done. I feel like I've just been hollowed out, and I have no one who understands. If you're not in or have lived through my position, then please don't try and tell me you do understand, because you don't. While it may be similar, I'm not sure you could grasp the particular scenario I'm living out. I want to have worth as an individual, not from the roles I fill in my daily life. I want to be able to still be something if you stripped the wife and mother bit away. I wonder if this is how women 50 years ago felt? I wouldn't be surprised...but they had society's standards to go by. I have no excuse.
I want a do-over.

I'm posting an awful lot today.

I was thinking - don't ask why, because I'm not sure how it popped up - about some of my old boyfriends, so I'm going to write about them. The important ones, anyway. I remember them all, but some of them aren't worth going into detail over.

Saul - The first guy I ever loved. Met him when I was 15. He wasn't really attractive (perhaps not at all, really) but there was something about him I really liked. The fact that he skated didn't hurt. Skater boys made me weak in the knees back in the day. He and I lasted a long time...could have been years if my mother hadn't taken it upon herself to forbid me from seeing him ever again. She still hated him even after he saved my sister from alcohol poisoning, but that's another story. I remember lots of things about him, but perhaps most of all one time when we were sitting in his room alone. They were getting ready to sell his house, and they'd painted over the walls. (His walls were covered with scribbles, poetry, whatever people wrote on it.) I was feeling really sad because it didn't feel right in there anymore with the walls blank, and he showed a spot in tiny print down near the floor where he'd wrote something to the effect of how he loved me. I wish I remembered the exact words, it was sweet enough to make me cry. He moved after we broke up, and though I saw him from time to time, he'd become a total ego-centric brat and we never patched things up.

Dave - otherwise known as rebound guy. We dated for a while, went to watch movies and layed on the floor in front of the screen, where he told me I kissed like a cold fish. (I proved him wrong later.) He wasn't bad, got me a black rose for Valentine's like I wanted, but I broke it off with him because I realized I wasn't really that into him. Plus, he spit his gum into my hair once when we were getting high. I think he decided he was bi later... I haven't seen him in years. I'm sure he's still around the old hometown somewhere.

Josh - Ah, Josh. There's a ring of hell reserved for this guy, I'm certain. I met him when I was exiled to the wastelands of Nebraska. He started off really nice. Things got especially uncomfortable after he got back from his stint in the Mental Hospital. Then he started cheating on me at every opportunity. I was at a party at his house once when we were -not- together (Yes, maybe that was asking for it, but it was an extremely small town and it was a party, I couldn't not go.) and was flirting with this guy from Mission. He got mad and threw me down on the couch and was about to punch me in the face when everyone jumped on him. We fought a lot... usually because he was cheating on me or pawned my stereo or gave some guys the keys to my car. He put me through the wall of his charming mobile home. I hate him. Last I heard he had issues with heroin and was wanted for back child support. I hope he's in prison, really I do.

Bama - otherwise known at Matt. (Bama, Alabama, see? But he wasn't from Alabama. Hell, I didn't give him the name.) We didn't really date. I met him during my short time at college. Flirted a lot, got close, and then he told me he wasn't ready for a relationship. Apparently there was some miscommunication about what that meant to me and what that meant to him. After that, we made a few attempts but never got it together. He was a cowboy, and very not my type, but I guess I was interested because I saw something else in him. Cowboys do not get into The Pixies and Smashing Pumpkins, not in Nebraska anyway. Plus when he shaved his head, he really did remind me of Billy Corgan. If he followed through with his plan, he's a doctor now. One night we met up at a party, went off to talk and work a few things out, and ended up laying on the lawn in front of our dorms at 3 in the morning watching the stars. He was a really sweet guy.

Jeremy - He's the one that I still feel regret when I think of. I met him after Bama. 3 days was all it took. I've talked about him on here before, so I don't see a reason to go deep into that now. What bothers me the most is that I lost an amazing friend along with the boyfriend, and I would do almost anything to have that friend back. That's what an amazing guy he was.

Then comes my husband... it took him 3 years of living together to decide he was willing to try that crazy marriage thing again. He says he knew I was it the first time I really kissed him, but I say it's the time I took him out in the backyard and flipped him over. I was incredibly cocky at that point in my life, and I told him I was gonna take him on. I think he even threw gravel in my face. Anyway, so after I beat him down he was laying on the ground, motionless, saying "I think I'm in love..." and then our friend came up and poured beer on his face. So that's the secret, girls. Guys want a woman who can kick their asses. Do that, and everything else will fall into place.

Hey, that was kind of fun after all. You should tell me about your significant others. It could be good for you too.

Who's an idiot?

If you consider getting somewhat choked up at the end of Free Willy stupid, then I guess that'd be me.

Happy Halloween!

Tonight, I'm taking Brodie out while my husband doles out candy when he gets home. I'm excited... last year I stayed home, and I really wanted to be there when he got candy. But he's a little older this year and more thrilled at the prospects, so it should be lots of fun. I flew into a mild panic yesterday when, before the party, I was unable to find his lightsaber. It turned up eventually - in the box of his father's Star Wars toys, which is somewhat appropriate - but the hour spent searching for it drove me crazy. The Mister brought up the idea of cutting off some of his own hair, braiding it, and taping it to the side of my son's head. I told him it wouldn't be necessary. Men are stupid. ~Hopes no men are smart enough to see this~ I have to go and dye my hair again... too much hair, too little dye. It's gonna look black my the time I'm done today. I could have gone and had it done by someone else, but that involves giving other people money when I can do it perfectly well myself, and we all know I don't give money out without essentially being forced to.

Strong Bad e-mail is updated. Go have a look.

Hump Day...

Halloween is tomorrow, but Brodie and I are going to a party tonight. He decided all by himself that he wanted to be a jedi, so we got him an Anakin costume - he got a lightsaber a week ago, I think that's what gave him the idea - and we couldn't find one small enough for him. Disaster, right? No. We got a bigger kid's costume, the shirt part of which fits him just right. Who needs funky pants with flat carboard on the bottom anyway, right? So my son is a Jedi, and he is thrilled. I decided not to dress up, though from what Brodie says I could wear a t-shirt that says "Star Wars Girl" on the front and he'd be happy.

In other news, Andrew is adorable and he's mine. Ignoring the whole married thing and the fact that he will most likely vehemently deny it, I say he's mine.

Finally, I want to address something that really annoys me... Avril Lavigne is not punk. No matter how many magazines you see her face on that will surely contradict me, she is bubblegum, not to mention completely useless. I have shoes better than her.

"If you want to criticize my methods, fine, but keep your snide comments to yourself...and while you're at it, don't criticize my methods."

For those of you...

who think that this page isn't flashy enough for you... i leave you this.

What a crappy night.

My husband stayed home yesterday because he was feeling under the weather... which is fine with me. Late at night he takes some nefarious form of Ny-Quil or what have you, and he slips into a coma within 30 seconds and starts to snore. Really loud. I tried poking, turning his head, asking him to roll over, but he was too far gone to even realize I was there, so I ended up sleeping on the couch. I hate sleeping on the couch. Aside from the cats crawling over me all night - and getting in the trash can for a little added fun, I always feel all stiff afterwards. My bed was so comfy too, but the earth-shattering sounds emitting from the man weren't gonna let me sleep. Bah.
Aside from my general unruliness at being run out of bed, I'm in a good mood. Tweaked things around here a bit, yet again. It's closer to what I wanted originally, but I'm not finished yet. We'll see what happens.

Clicky.

Click me!

Sunday morning, and it is quiet...

my boys are still snug in their beds, so I think I'm going to explain about a little something that happened last night which has me totally baffled. (This will probably make an appearance on Pick Up Your Own Damn Socks as well. That site is pure joy.)

9:00 - I order pizza. This is not unusual, except to say that it must be me that orders it. The husband will not order pizza himself. Experiments where Domino's number has been dialed and the ringing phone thrust at him have met with disaster and frantic pressing of the "Off" button.

9:40 - Husband asks me..."Where is the pizza?" Because I know exactly where the pizza is located in time and space, due to my incredible cosmic powers that I was gifted with during that last radioactive meteor shower I stood in.

9:42 - I announce that I am going upstairs, and he should listen for the door while I take 5 minutes to blow-dry my hair. I am met with refusal, and a startling confession. "I don't want to! You do it, I'm scared to!" After staring at him with my mouth hanging open for a few minutes, I remind him that there is nothing to fear from the nice man bringing the pizza, and that it is a simple process - hand over money, take pizza. I ask if there is something about pizza guy that I should know, and will my pizza be tampered with? He says no. I go upstairs anyway while he sulks and tells me I am mean downstairs.

9:47 - Hair dry, I come downstairs to a husband who gleefully announces that I made it in time to get the door myself. I decide to step out the back door for approximately one minute.

9:48 - While outside, the pizza man arrives. I listen, and it seems that no horrible beast has accosted my husband while he fetches our food. No gunshots, no screaming...things must have gone well. I step inside. Husband says "I feel bad." I ask why. He tells me that the pizza man got no tip. I ask why, and indicate to the neat pile of quarters that I had stacked for said tip. (I had no dollar bills, husband had no dollar bills. A tip is a tip, if you ask me.) He tells me that he did not give it to the delivery guy, as recieving change for a tip is insulting. I mention that possibly more insulting is no tip at all, and the husband tells me that next time I should answer the door.

9:50 - Pizza is enjoyed by the family, and no one dies of food poisoning.

The End.

Look...

isn't Dan photogenic?

Friday Five

1. What is your favorite scary movie?

Sleepy Hollow - the recent version with Johnny Depp and Christina Ricci. Tim Burton has made this one of the most visually enthralling movies I've ever seen. I love it.

2. What is your favorite Halloween treat?

Caramel apples, without the nuts. Whose sick idea was it to put nuts on there anyway?

3. Do you dress up for Halloween? If so, describe your best Halloween costume.

I haven't for a while...My favorite costume was what I dressed up as my senior year in high school - a homicidal cheerleader.

4. Do you enjoy going to haunted houses or other spooky events?

Yes, after a fashion. I so easily spokked it's a wonder I don't have coronaries every time I set foot in one. My step-father took me inside a haunted house when I was about 5, just me and him. He had to carry me, and at some point I got scared and jerked my head back, smashing his glasses into his face. When we came out he had blood trickling from his nose where they'd cut him, and then I really started to scream.

5. Will you dress up for Halloween this year?

Only on the inside... But I don't mind the chance to indulge my inner goth and not be questioned about it.


Get the Friday Five for yourself.

Very Funny...

Naomi: Look at this!!
Naomi: It's cool!
Naomi: http://www3.quantumlynx.com/barontech/list/sayit.swf
Steff: I HATE YOU!!!!
Naomi: ~*Dies laughing*~
Steff: ~beats~
Steff: my husband had to come over and see why i yelled "oh sweet jesus!"
Naomi: ~*Laughes even harder*~

~Later that evening~
Andy: GOD DAMN SON OF A BITCH!
Andy: Never...... and I mean NEVER! let me see those things after three episodes of X-Files and a Red Bull..... gah

~Later still~
Tam: Have you seen it yet?!
Dawn: ~*eyes shift*~ Seen what?
Tam: Hilarious. http://www3.quantumlynx.com/barontech/list/sayit.swf
Dawn: .......
Tam: Why dots?
Dawn: I am now going to have nightmares...lol

Gainfully Employed?

Perhaps... My husband asked me the other day if I would mind working over the holidays so we have extra money for Christmas, since we have requests for pricey items like Playstation 2's and loud, noisy expensive things. He was even so generous as to say that after the holidays were over, he didn't care if I continued to work or not. (How sweet...before, I've always been forced to quit when my schedule interfered with his. Valid, but frustrating.) So I have been hunting. Think I found several places that seem promising, if not desperate to hire, so I imagine I'll hear something by the end of the week, but what I really want is a job opening at the library branch near me. The money is good enough for me to have Brodie in daycare (Something I desperately want, not because I don't love every minute with him, but because I want him to have interaction with other children and learn in a school-ish environment, since kindergarten here doesn't enroll kids until they're five) and still end up with lumps o' cash. Plus bonus, Books! I love books. ~Secretly misses Barnes and Noble lots, may go back to see if they have a spot for her~ But the library has good benefits, paid vacation time and sick days... This would mean I wasn't online much at all anymore, but I only rp once in a great while, more often than not watching tv or reading instead if no one I care to talk to is on. So who gives a damn about the net anyway? I want money. Remember how before i said Stephanie is cheap? Well, Stephanie is also greedy, in a healthy sort of way. Stephanie is thinking maybe she might see what all the fuss with diamonds is about...

Cross your fingers for me, alright? Think books.

Funny thing happened tonight...

I happened to talk to someone that I haven't seen hide nor hair of in months. It was nice...a bit stilted, like things have to be built from the ground up again in terms of friendship, but I expect that. Lots of time has passed, and people change. Still, I hope that somehow I can recapture a bit of that old camraderie. It's been missed. Watever happens will be, as they say, but I can't help hoping that things haven't changed too much.

It was good to see you. Don't be a stranger, okay?

I am not a stalker!

Whatever you heard, that's all just a bunch of lies.

If you hear twigs snapping outside your window tonight, that's not me either. Don't bother to get up and look.

My Insult is...

Take the test, by Emily.

You're too reserved for your own good. stop being so damn nice, and offend someone for once.

Due to Popular Demand...

(read: one person) I am updating. Where to begin? Maybe with this odd, itchy rash on my neck which I think I must have gotten from some strain of poison something or other? I refuse to go to the doctor for it. I just about refuse to go to the doctor for anything...not because I fear it, but because I don't want to waste my money when whatever is wrong will generally blow over in a few days anyway. I'm not allergic to anything...unless I'm starting to develop allergies later in life. There was this guy who would come into the coffee shop where I worked years ago and always order really specific sandwiches. I thought he was picky and annoying until he explained that he suddenly developed allergies to things like tomatoes, pickles, etc... even ~gasp~ chocolate. God help the world if that should ever happen to me. I have been taking lots of Benedryl at the pharmacist's recommendation. Whether it will help or not remains to be seen, but at least I'm sleeping well. For long periods of time.

I know I said I'd do like Craig did on his blog, with the people and the impressions, but I'm not going to. I don't think I could do everyone justice, to be honest. So rather than doing something halfway, I'm not going to do it at all. Ha.

What do you think of me?

Via Craig's blog:

I was just thinking about a few people online... and how since i don't know them irl... I can make up an image in my head. Just for fun and not to make the person into something they are not.
Steff: She was hard. Not many people like Steff... but one came to mind. It was from a SNL sketch, a take off ad of a cleaning product. The woman that uses the lemon glow has a less then noble history... and was going to play her husband for a punk and sell his telescope for pot... but now she might just do this mother thing. Something gives me the feeling i will get hit/beaten to death with one of my detached limbs. She has the whole perfect mom image... but like real life no-one is perfect.

I love that. Love it. That ranks right up there with my hubby saying that Billy Joel song reminds him of me. Later, I think I'll try and do what Craig did, but for now...ME ME ME! Incase you've never seen the Lemon Glow commercial... Here it is.

Quizzes! Weeeeeee!

Which Princess Bride Character are You?
this quiz was made by mysti


What Sign of Affection Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla


What's your HTTP Status Code?
brought to you by QuizillaYou are easy going and unassuming, sometimes too much so. You don't cause waves and are easy to get along with.. probably because you prefer to make everyone else happy before yourself. But it doesn't matter, because people have a hard time not liking you.

I thought it might be interesting...

to see what i was posting around this time last year. Sort of cathartic.

~~~~~~~~~~

i don't update this thing very often, do i? cauliflower, cha cha cha... (oh, i love nick jr.) anyway, i think i'll list the things that i love about life right now.

1)it's been gray and rainy for two days. (i also left the windows of my car rolled down a bit. not good.)
2)the leaves are turning. fall was nowhere near this beautiful in colorado. i think it had something to do with the absence of trees.
3)i like my job. i work for a bookstore. i get to take their books home with me to read. it's like the library, but i get the new releases when i want them. hell, i can get anything...on the downside, i had a mocha frappuchino from the coffee giant housed within. i was not impressed. i knew i didn't like starbucks.
4)i have the world's most adorable child. take my word for it, he's gorgeous. every day i thank god that circumstances being as they were brought him into my life.
5)along with my son, i have a husband. maybe not as sweet as my baby, but hell, he's pushing 30. who's still sweet and innocent in their late 20's? the point is that he's a child at heart while living life as an adult. sorta like superman, with the secret identity. he loves me and i love him, even after almost 6 years and lots of changes.
6)i'm getting direct tv. granted, this hasn't happened yet, but i'm still happy about it. there are beautiful television programs out there i'm missing. adult swim (a cartoon, i'm not a porn freak), the awful truth (micheal morre is just plain great. rent roger and me. good movie.), t.v. funhouse (licking is way better than scratching! there's no comparison.)...etc.
7)there is no number 7. to hell with the number 7, i like 8 better.
8)quarters. i really love quarters. don't ask me why. i horde them. they're perfectly good for spending, but for some reason whenever i get my hands on them i don't want to give them away.
9)the onion - a faux newspaper that gets printed from god knows where. i read a book of their atricles last weekend at work. "Washington Monument made all the more touching by the addition of crippled actor Christopher Reeve" (paraphrased from memory, of course) i almost cried, i laughed so hard. yeah, i'll probably pay in some karmic way for finding that funny.
10)damn, this list is getting out of hand...let's see here. toe socks, coffee (or hot chocolate on occasion when it's cold), fireplaces with fires in them, showers, every season but summer, stretching, dancing badly to good music, garlic bread, a clean living environment, halloween (the most important holiday in our household), christmas (holiday #2), getting stuff in the mail, sleeping...and that's all i'm coming up with for the moment.

there. i've purged, i feel better.

"Americans are forever searching for love in forms it never takes, in places it can never be. It must have something to do with the vanished frontier." - Cat's Cradle

~~~~~~~~~~

There you have it. Me, circa October 2001. What's changed? Well, I'm no longer working at the bookstore. I sit around at home and clean the house and raise my son for room and board. I finally have Dish Network, not DirecTV (and only 9 months after I thought I'd have it). Everything else is still much the same. I still love garlic bread and getting stuff in the mail, I actually -have- a fireplace now (Joy.), but I don't seem to ever catch Michael Moore's show. The thing with Christopher Reeve on top of the Washington Monument is still really funny. I hear he's making amazing progress. I hope he recovers fully some day, honest.

Friday Five

1. How many TVs do you have in your home?

3. Four if you count the portable little one with the antenna and the dial to pick up broadcast stations...

2. On average, how much TV do you watch in a week?

An easier question would be, how much time do you spend not near a tv? There's always one on in the house. I'm not always watching it, but I'm probably listening. Does that count?

3. Do you feel that television is bad for young children?

Yes and no. My son picks up things from television, both good and bad. For instance, thanks to sesame street and other shows of its ilk, he's doing much better with letters, numbers, and general speech than he would be without - he doesn't have many children to interact with - but you have to be careful about what they see. I let him watch South Park until he started saying choice words, then I took it away.

4. What TV shows do you absolutely HAVE to watch, and if you miss them, you're heartbroken?

Buffy the Vampire Slayer. No other show matters to me like that one does...except maybe Iron Chef. And Sealab 2021.

5. If you had the power to create your own television network, what would your line-up look like?

Good Eats, Iron Chef, Buffy, Scrubs, all of Adult Swim, Days of our lives and Passions (but only the pertinent episodes, nothing pisses me off more than the way they drag crap out for months), Ground Force and Changing Rooms, all of the BlackAdder series, Monty Python, Father Ted....that's just for starters.

I have things to do...

and I am avoiding each and every one. pay the bills, clean the house, do anything but sit around with nose in book that I am skimming through anyway...i would rather just go to bed and wake up ready to face the world in the morning. Not that I'm stuck in the middle of a horrible day, but it's just one of those days where everything seems too much to do. Please tell me someone else has the days. I should get started on these things, I know once I do that I will get right into the swing of things and get it all accomplished, but despite this knowledge I still cannot bring myself to begin.

Gah.

I am not smoking (still wearing patch - okay, honestly failed with not smoking yesterday and this morning. But no smoking today!), and I am drinking Slim Fast (With Soy Protein!) in the lovely creamy mildly revolting flavor of Apple Cranberry Raspberry in an effort to not become a raging fatass and I have found a playmate for Brodie. God, I need a change in my life. I know this is change, but I want different change. One that's not so changey.

Had a lovely dream...

last night. An ex-boyfriend popped up (one I don't hate, probably because I was the bastard of -that- particular relationship.) in there and it was fine, but i can't reason what he showed up for after all this time...but that's not was has me pleased about my dream. I totally humiliated someone I loathe with every fiber of my being. This girl wandered into the room we were all chatting in (We were all hanging about talking, you see) with someone else and was trying to be included...I wanted to beat her up, but she's underage, so i settled for basically shoving her face into the floor and telling her what a stupid little #**@! she was, and so on and so forth.

Now, this may seem weird...it kind of does to me too, i guess. But I disgraced her utterly, and in dreams that doesn't often happen for me - I guess my insecurities are there even when I sleep - so it was a nice change of events. Does this mean I have had some kind of breakthrough? That I can shed the notion of being inferior and move on to a new stage in my life? Or was this just a fluke?

Perhaps this is a bit too much for the blog...

A quiz.

I shall just state here and now that I will not be taking the "What porno am I" quiz, despite efforts to the contrary. I have no wish to give others impressions about my sex life, as it is irrelevant to anyone but myself and my husband. But here's a different one I'm happy to take...


Which Sexy Comic Book Woman Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Roleplaying is fun!

>Phoenix< says:
Ugh.... Now I've got to get Kom still to be pissed off.... He's still got to track down the ones that killed his wife....
Me... says:
anger management, mister.
>Phoenix< says:
i could imagine that Lol...
>Phoenix< says:
*The young elf slowly edges his way into the room his sword drawn ready for combat. He nears a wooden chair and quickly rolls. He jumps up and sits down, then moments later stands up and says* Hi My name is kometis and I have a Problem......

Following her lead...

Wise beyond her years, is my beloved Nerdette. Come back. We miss you.

::Andrew's Extinct Blog::

His e-mail is on that page. I invite everyone to flood his inbox with requests that he return. (Psst..We could make you a badass blog...You know you wanna. ~Grins~)

Home Sweet Home?

I just found out some interesting news...
I come from a little town of about 35, 000. Nothing specail, but it's been what I've called home all my life, despite wherever I've lived, and I'm quite attached to it. I heard today that the Maytag plant (making refrigerators, mostly) is going to be shut down completely within two years. Now, when this plant closes, my hometown is going to essentially be wiped out of existance. There will be nowhere for the thousands of workers to go, no new jobs to settle into. There simply is nothing for them to do once they lose their jobs. They will be forced to move to find new work, and Galesburg will become a ghost town, or worse, it will look like Gordon, Nebraska. ~Shudders~ My step-father is a management-type at the factory, and his job will soon no longer exist. That leaves two alternatives. A) He will retire. B) He will transfer to a new job somewhere, and my family home for over the last decade will be left behind. Thinking of that possibility breaks my heart. If my mother moves away and I can't go home to sleep in my old room, sit on the back porch, pick flowers from the side of the old house... I don't know how I'd manage.

Anyway, I'm really depressed now. This is one of the crappiest days I've had in a long time.

Friday Five

1. If you could only choose 1 cd to ever listen to again, what would it be?

Oh jesus...that's the worst question anyone has ever asked me in my entire life. I can't answer. I can't. It's impossible for me to choose only one.

2. If you could only choose 2 movies to watch ever again, what would they be?

Mallrats and Run Lola Run...I think. A very cruel, unfair question.

3. If you could only choose 3 books to read ever again, what would they be?

Something by Anne Rice for gothic, romantic flavor, something by Nick Hornby for humor, and a biography.

4. If you could only choose 4 things to eat or drink ever again, what would they be?

Sprite, French Vanilla coffee with cream and sugar, Veggie Lasagna, and Totino's Party Pizza, Sausage.

5. If you could only choose 5 people to ever be/talk/associate/whatever with ever again, who would they be?

My Mother, Father, Son, Husband, and Kevin Spacey. I think he'd be really good for conversation.

Same old song and dance..

I'm quitting smoking. Again. For the last time.
I have resolve. I will not yield to the demonic temptation of cigarettes. I am armed with patches that deliver obscene levels of nicotine through my epidermis (that's skin, kids), far more than I would accumulate if I were actually smoking my girly cigarettes.
Why am I doing this, you ask?
Well, there's the obvious:
Cancer - Don't really want to die horribly.
Other diseases, none of which I can name - Still don't want to die horribly, or slowly, or live in discomfort for 20 years before dying.
The Smell - Smokers stink. The things is, when you're a smoker, you don't know it. But everyone else does.
Then, there's the real reason.
MONEY.
Cigarettes cost anywhere from $2.50 (taste like pencil shavings, may well BE pencil shavings for all you know) to upwards of $4 for the "Premium" brands; i.e. Marlboro (Come to where the flavor is). Let's imagine that a person smokes a pack a day. That person is me, and I do smoke a pack a day. Smoking less is hard. Say I buy myself a pack of mid-range cigarettes a day. (Cartons would be more economical, I'm sure, but then I would smoke more. Plus, plunking down $3 plus tax seems better to me than $30.) If the total cost is $3.50, and I buy a pack every day, that comes out to $24.50. (Right? Math skills failing.) Spend that $24.50 4 weeks a month, and you have $98.00 a month. Jesus! That's more than I thought. Anyway, I could take that $98 and spend $30 of it a month at the gym and batter myself into a sleeker, sexier body, and I would still have $68 dollars a month to buy important things, like candy bars and pretty colored nail polish. So, in light of this, I have decided to quit smoking forever. Unless my husband starts again, but I think if that happens I shall simply flush all his cigarettes down the toilet while he watches like my mom did to me when i was 15. My 10 year off again, on again love affair with the cigarette has ended. Goodbye, my friend. Perhaps one day we shall meet again, when science provides me with a 100% healthy smokable substance. I will not hold my breath.

The moral to this story? Stephanie is cheap.

the happy family at Six Flags.

posted by Stephanie at 10/10/2002 | 0 Comments

This is my new favorite thing.

Pick Up Your Own Damn Socks.

Finally, women who understand me. God bless you.

...and some more fun, if you have time to kill.

Psycho-Ex.

I now know why...

only a few people's blogs are showing up as updated in my blogroll. It's because the people in question are not enrolled in Weblogs.com. how do you get enrolled, you ask? well, follow the link...i found the bit to sign up all the way at the bottom right corner of the F.A.Q. page. now, it seems you're supposed to ping them to let them know you've updated (so that's what that was about!) and blogspot blogs don't have that feature automatically...can you find a way around it? yes. you go here and do it manually. yeah, it's a little bit of extra work, but if you want it to be known that your blog is updated, you'll suffer through it. go on and do it, i dare ya.

a real post shall follow later.

Friday Five

1. What is your biggest pet peeve? Why?

Oh, that's hard...there are so many. Perhaps my biggest is when you let someone have a drink from your can of pop, and there's still a little bit of pop sitting there in the lip of the can. I always hand it back to them and tell them to suck up their spit.

2. What irritating habits do you have?

Me? None, of course...except maybe the fact that I'm such an obsessive neat freak that I will straighten up the tassel/fringe on the rugs if someone messes them up with their feet. And I'll clean the kitchen counters again, even if I just watched my husband do it, because I don't think anyone else can do it well enough.

3. Have you tried to change the irritating habits or just let them be?

I've tried to loosen up, and with some success. But I am who I am after all, so you'd better just get used to it.

4. What grosses you out more than anything else? Why?

Mold and mildew. I can clean up vomit, handle dirty diapers with ease, any of your average nasty things...but stick me in front of some fresh mold and I start to gag immediately.

5. What one thing can you never see yourself doing that other people do?

Leaving my bed un-made in the morning. Cooking fancy dinners with no recipe to follow. Falling prey to Road Rage - I'm just too laid back.

~Stretches and yawns~

my son had himself a nap in the early evening yesterday. sometimes when he sleeps it is literally impossible to get him to wake up. so as luck would have it, he woke up around 8 in the evening in a rather bad mood. he got nicer as the night wore on, but he stayed up well past the limits of normal childhood bedtimes. thus am i exhausted, and posessed of a nasty crick in my back from alternating between sleeping on the floor and the couch. i stayed in bed, and my husband ended up driving himself into work this morning instead of me doing it. (maybe he'll get the parking money from his boss like he is supposed to and i won't have to drive anymore period. pleeeeeeease let it be so.) i could have gotten up and drove him. i was semi-consious...but i was also dealing out retribution for last night...he was terribly condescending last night, and it pissed me off. maybe he knows he was wrong. i hope so. because he is wrong, make no mistake.

hey, guess what? we still might be going to chicago. actually, it's extremely likely. (ask me after oct.12th and maybe i'll know for certain.) "but steff, " you say..."you just told me the other day that you had decided to stay where you were! what gives?" you know what? this whole deal is out of my hands. my husband will work where he likes, and i will live wherever he happens to work. at this point, i hardly care. don't go thinking that i'm horribly abused and kris forces me to do whatever he wants, now. i'm just so flexible and mellow, call it what you will, that i really don't care. i can live anywhere. if it happens to mean that chicago is an hour closer to family and friends, then lucky me. my one cause for suffering in this endeavor - aside from the actual grunt work of moving, which i am trying to pretend is not my problem - is that i shall have to abandon my beautiful, brand-new-ish, perfectly wonderful washer and dryer. i am in love with my washer and dryer, but there are very few apartments reasonably near chicago that have w/d connections. so i will have to leae them in my mother's safe keeping for a year or so, sadly. NO ONE is getting my washer and dryer. NO ONE. i know that everyone is slathering over them, and they can NOT have them. are we clear? smashing.

well, that's enough of an update for me right now. tune in later for more of steff's saga as it develops.